Life On The Outernet

A lot of great things happened today. First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ABAH ! :) Second of all, I chatted with him again today. :))) Our convo was getting deeper than yesterday. I managed to dig some things about his family. He's actually the only boy in his family & he has an older sister who is 2 years older than him. :) Third of all, I have confessed every single thing to Asfar. So now he knew about my feelings towards Z & F. No more secrets from him and... He told me about his secret too. Secret regarding his feelings, FYI. Ha! I felt so great after that. Tho it's awkward that he knew I was having a big crush on one of his best friends. *facepalm* LOL Fourth of all, me & my family had a lovely dinner at Pizza Hut near our house, in celebration of Abah's birthday. Awesome, awesome day today. :)

Today: One of the best day ever! everevereverever. I added him on Fb and... He approved me! woahweeyoohoo! x) I talked with Anis about how afraid I am if he never approve my friend request. But thank God, he did. He even posted something on my wall! :) Ok. So basically, I spent a looooooooooot of time (10pm till 2-something-am) chatting with Anis regarding this crush I'm having. We also talked about her crush..es. She has TWO boys. HAHA. I know what you think, but IT IS NOT LIKE WHAT YOU THINK. Only she & I know the truth. ;) Later that day, I braced myself by making the first move towards him. I started a conversation with him... And it lasted longer than I thought! :D He's a fan of Man Utd, so I decided to talk to him about our team. And it worked. God, it worked! Ha! The convo started from 2am till 4.30am, after the Man Utd v Schalke match. You see, he couldn't watch the game so he asked me to update him & I did. I told him almost every single thing that happened...

Hey, y'all! In this entry, I wanna talk about my new crush. Yeah, it's 'you-saw-this-guy-and-think-he's-hot-so-you-had-a-crush-on-him' kind of crush. I fell in crush very easily. I won't say the word 'love' because I'm sure it's not love. Yet. Though I do believe in love at first sight. Ya know the boy whom I 'love' since August 2009 till earlier this year? I no longer love him. Or having a crush on him. Or whatever. My feelings for him are gone now. Or so I think. I'm actually still confuse with my own feelings. I think I don't love him anymore, but whenever I saw him, my heart skipped a beat. Like it always did. Damn! =,= But this is what I know for certain; right now, I'm in crush with someone else. Wait till you hear who he is. You'd be surprised. Lol. He is... 1. A year younger than me. 2. Lives so far away from me, though still in Malaysia. 3. A year younger than me 4. A year younger than me Yeah. =,=" I have ne...

Yes, YOU. I'm not good in putting words together, so I'm gonna use these photos to express my feelings, the ridiculous feelings I had towards you. Yes, I noticed EVERY. SINGLE. THING about you. And that ONE GUY is you. I can't seem to get you out of my mind. Because I know how your voice sounds like. I know it's stupid, but I can't help it. Yes, I LOVE YOU . Yeah, I fucked it up. Do you feel the same way? I don't think so. I did everything I can to make you realize, but sadly, you never did realized. And now... You'll never be mine.

For the first time in 3 and a half months, I saw him at college!!! asdfghjkl! idk what to say, I was sort of speechless when I saw him right in front of my eyes. My rindu dah terubat, like finally! Awwww.... MWAHAHA. Not that I was happy or anything, but... Why? Why did I have to meet him there? I'm trying so hard to move on and yet, he is always there. How lah am I supposed to forget him if he keeps on appearing in front of me?? =,=

"If we like a person more than 4 months, it is considered as love, and not crush.." When I read the sentence, my heart stopped. I was panting, breathless, like someone was choking, got a hold of my neck. Strangle me. OK. That's a lie. =.= But I did feel shocked at first. If the statement was true, then what I've been holding inside my heart is called.. LOVE ?? *cough* Excuse me. LOVE ??! Wow. All this while I thought it was just a crush. I was wrong, obviously. I fell in love with him in August last year. It's been more than a year now and that feeling I had in this very heart is called love. Yuck! He already has a GF, for crying out loud! This feeling should be dead by now. But I couldn't kill it. Because it felt so... Pure. The feeling was like a horcrux which could not be destroyed by anything but a powerful goblin-made sword. (Lolwut?) :/ It's driving me mad It's not like I fell for him when he was with his current GF, but I fell for him waayy B...

It's amazing how things can change in just a blink of an eye. You could be happy for one second, then you feel like the happiness was taken away from you for whatever reason. That... Was me. WAS. The boy I love had chosen to be with another girl. I cried at first. Yes, I did. I'm not gonna lie. It hurts so bad. I felt like the world is ending. It was a year ago when I fell in love with him. I tried to get close to him but seems like the plan failed terribly. We are friends, though... But he had no clue that I actually like him, adore him. LOVE him. 14/10/2009.... That little incident.. Still fresh on my mind. Oh, how could I forget when you're the one I love?? What should I do to make me get over you? You're so near, yet you're so far.. And you're leaving soon... I wonder if I could ever live a day without seeing your face?? Ilysm. I hope you'll realize it one day.. Auf wiedersehen, meine liebe....

13 MAY 2010 / THURSDAY This is the first time in months I wrote this blog entry in my so-called diary. :) I just went through this diary, read all my previous entries, re-discovered old secrets; I realized that I was so stupid back then. I fell in love with a wrong guy. Now I have found my ‘true love’, he doesn’t have a clue about it. How sad... :/ But there’s still hope for me, so no worries. :) In this entry, I will be telling you about my life’s journey since 25 th of April until now. Okay, on April 25 (Sunday), I took a sneak peak at his coursework for Mandarin subject. His coursework was not so good and that makes me worried. I do not want him to repeat the subject. I also dah hafal his ID number, he he... ;) On April 29, I received a compliment from him. It made me go pretty wild. xD He said that I’m ‘terer’ (it means “smart” in English) because I answered his riddle correctly. Haha! On the next day (April 30, Friday), I had a VERY nice dream. It involved my KPTM ‘boyfies’, ...

14 APRIL 2010 / WEDNESDAY I am Alone Again... I was hanging out at the library while writing this. I was all alone and I kind of liked it, but *yawn* I was sleepy. :p The Wi-Fi here suck dick! I wanted to go online! X( BTW, today was Wednesday. We didn’t have any class for today but we had a quiz on Accounting so we had to come to college. I stayed back because Pn. Norreha wanted to meet all the Business & Accounting students at 4.30PM. I didn’t want to go home because it will be hard for me to come back to college so I would rather feel sleepy than skipping the meeting which I think is important. Frankly speaking, I spent time at the library because I was waiting for you-know-who. ;) But until now, I didn’t see him. I wonder where he is. I prayed for him to come through the door. Fuhhh! LOL. ;p 15 APRIL 2010 / THURSDAY SUAP & My Lovely Ghost OK, it was sports day! Today was a good day, a very good day. I got to watch him play badminton! I must say he was p...

5 APRIL 2010 / MONDAY He Was Alone, All Alone and I Was There, All Alone, too. :) Class started at 10.40AM, but I went to college earlier because I wanted to go online for a while. Therefore, I hung out at the library alone. Minutes later, he came through the door. He was alone!! :D He saw me there and he chose to sit near me. We were 7 feet apart from each other. I was so happy and slightly freaking out. I was on my FB, lurking his profile even though he was right in front of my eyes. Haha! I didn’t even look at his face but I was looking at his hair. I think he cut his hair because I noticed that his hair was slightly different from yesterday. I had an urge to go and talk to him but I was too shy to do so. Screw me! :S I left the library at 10.40AM to attend Pengajian Islam’s class. Minutes later, he updated his status on FB. Guess he was online at the library. He was talking about having a test tonight and tomorrow. I commented on his status but I couldn’t receive his response...

7 MARCH 2010 / SUNDAY I Was Being Bullied Again I wore high heels to college today. While I was searching for a lecturer at the first floor, I saw my stalker talking to a guy whom I stalked a few weeks back. (At LR101) D saw me and said, “Aii. Awat tinggi nih?” I just laughed and my stalker came through the door. I was holding the door for him, without me knowing it. lol. Hours later, we had two classes at LR102. I bumped into him again. He saw me walking and this time he said, “Uish! Macam lecturer ar...” I was like, “WTF...??” Then I ‘fought’ with him. I asked, “Apa? Dok cakap belakang ehh...??” He said, “Tak ah, aku cakap tepi ja.” Kau memang sial! Huhuhu. 8 MARCH 2010 / MONDAY Stats Test and My Stalker We had Stats test today, at night. I stayed back at college with 5 friends. While we were waiting at the LR classes, D and the gang came and sat at the end of the room. They were having a small meeting and my stalker sat at the chair that faces me. I freaked out. I kept l...