Single. Still.

27 and still single.

Am I scared? Am I ashamed?

The answer is no. I am not.

All those around me are either engaged, married, married with kids and so on. But me? I am still enjoying my life as a single woman. To be pretty honest, the main reason why i'm still not married at this age is just this; i am not ready. A very simple reason, really. I am not ready to live with one person for the rest of my life. I am not ready to give away my freedom once i got married. To make it simple, i am not ready to bear responsibilities that come with marriage.

(And i really hate the fact that you have to tell your husband your every move once you got married.

That is so suffocating and subtly controlling, full offense.)

One more thing, i feel responsible for my parents. As the youngest in my family, i feel obligated to take care of my parents and make them happy. If i got married, i know i won't be able to meet them very often. So i came up with a new goal in life; i am gonna be a single woman who only cares for and adores her happy family.

The end.

Have I Lost You?

I think i have lost the one person i called my best friend.

We haven't spoken/had a proper conversation in more than a month. He was quiet, and so was i. I thought maybe it was my fault. I waited & gone quiet for too long, resulting in him shying away from me. Maybe he thought i wasn't interested in being his bff anymore. Maybe he thought i abandoned him by not texting/talking. I did not. Maybe i was dumb for not texting him first, asking about his wellbeing. I honestly don't know what's going on with me & my life anymore. Or maybe he has a girlfriend who doesn't want him to be friends with me anymore. Or maybe i was thinking way too much & he was just simply busy with assignments & stuff. I don't fucking know anymore.. I feel like a real loser. I have a reason why i always feel like shit & i don't wanna mention it here, and he knows about it. What he doesn't know is that 'that problem' makes me feel like a sore loser. Everyday, i think about committing internet suicide. Disappear from all social medias. Disappear from everyone's lives. I think about it everyday. I just want to disappear to the point no one will ever find me. 

What should i do now?

Spread Your Wings.

I had this post in draft for almost 2 days. I really want to say many things about this particular topic, but like what my twitter bio says, I don't really know how to say things. 

Okay so let's begin.

From the title, do you think you know what I'm going to write about? If you follow me on twitter, I'd say you know. It's about my current obsession. The obsession I picked up about a day and a half ago. BTS' new album, "WINGS". Yeap, that's it. That's the thing I'm gonna write about this time. I know my past posts are mostly about my interest in kpop and; you would roll your eyes before even reading it, but do I care? I still will write whatever I want to, so deal with it. *flips hijab* (lol)

BTS released their 2nd full album on Oct 10, 12AM. I downloaded the album and listened to it twice before going to sleep. And I must say that WINGS is their BEST album so far, and it is THE BEST kpop album I've ever listened to. Hands down. The reasons?

1. There's not one song that I don't like from the album. I love all 15 songs. Don't anyone dare to ask me what my favourite track is because it's impossible to choose just one.
2. Each member has their own solo song. From track #3 to #9. And each of the song brings out their vocal colour and makes me a satisfied and happy fan.
3. Taehyung and Seokjin's solo songs. "Stigma" and "Awake". I was looking forward to their solo songs the most because their voice is my favourite voice. I legit shed tears while listening to Awake because Seokjin's voice is so nice and soooo underrated and the song is so sad. On the other hand, Tae's voice got me like damn boy what a soulful voice you have there..
4. They have a song made for haters ("Cypher 4") and fans ("2! 3!") and the other songs are based on their own experiences and feelings. Yes, they all participated in writing and composing the songs in the album. What a talented bunch.
5. Lastly, their title track is soooo unique and different from their previous ones. This one is more matured and a bit....sensual? Oh yessss.. Especially the choreo. But nevertheless, the song is still addictive and impressive.

I think I have many more reasons why I think this is their best album, but I don't seem to remember it right now. But these five reasons are like, the main reasons so I guess that's enough for now. Goodbye. I'll write again soon.

Boy Meets Evil.

Two days until the release of WINGS and the hype is so overwhelming, so real even I can feel the heat from all the way across south east sea. I think this comeback is the most talked about. I don't remember reading / seeing tons of articles about BTS' comeback every day before this. The hype is too much and the expectations are too damn high it makes me scared and nervous as a fan. I, too am enthusiastic about this comeback, but i'm afraid of the amount of expectations given to the boys. What if the title track turns out to be a disappointment? What if the title track doesn't live up to expactations and make more people (haters and antis) accuse and curse the boys for mediaplaying so much? I don't want that to happen. I believe in BTS and I know I can always count on them to come out with good music. They are trustworthy. I'm sure the boys too are afraid of failing to deliver. I just hope that won't be the case and I hope this album will finally give the boys the success and recognitions they deserve. It's been long overdue.

Because I Had to Do It.

I'm about to write a blog post regarding my BFF's newly-created blogspot, LMAO. It's a task. He needs someone to give opinions on his blog & I'm gonna write it all here & then send it to him via whatsapp. The reason why I decide to write it here is because I think it's gonna be a bit long & I cannot type it all on my phone. Writing it on PC is way more comfortable & easier. So yeah. Here I go..

This is his blog. Y'all don't have to click the link if you don't want to. I'm not here to promote his blog, I'm here to clear my mission. LOL! And I still can't believe that he has a blog now, hahaha. I know he was forced to create one, but still! xD

I need to answer 3 questions:

1. How do you find this blog? (design, layouts, attractiveness etc..)

2. The language the writer used. Doesn't matter if it's formal or informal, but is his/her language readable, funny, smooth etc..?

3. Let's say you're reading this blog without knowing the writer is your good friend, but when you find out it was him/her, are you shocked? Do you feel that he/she is different from the person you know?

My answers:

1. This blog is nice because the design is simple, the layout is simple. As a person who loves simple things, I really like it. Some people put a lot of stuff in their blog until the page becomes "heavy" and hard to scroll up and down. But that is obviously not the case with this blog.

2. The language used is readable. Funny, not so much. (LMAO SORRY) Though I appreciate the writer's effort in trying to be funny. I think being funny is not really important in blog writing, at least the writer does not use bad words that can be off-putting to some people. And through that one post, I can see that the writer is comfortable in writing casually without being poetic or funny.

3. To be honest, I will not be shocked if I just found out that the writer is my best friend. The blog post he wrote has his name written all over it. It means that I knew his writing style. The words he used. And who could have missed that Beyonce reference in the first paragraph? That is so my best friend. And that is saying something; he is still the same person, be it in a blog or in real life.

Writer's Block? Or Just Plain Lazy?

I want to write something on this blog. 

I want to become an active blogger like how I used to be. 

But I can't do that anymore...

Now, I blog once a month, once a year...

There is no in between. 

I might be lying if I said I don't know why I don't blog anymore, because I know exactly why.. I am lazy. That's the answer. I am lazy to blog, though I really, really want to. The second reason is because I don't know what to write. I used to have lots of ideas but now I have none. Even if I had an idea, I wouldn''t blog it because I didn't know how to write it. I think my English writing skills have deteriorated ever since I started learning Korean. I am slowly losing my ability to write in English, I can feel it. That is why I need to blog from time to time, to maintain my English skills. But then again, I'm lazy to do so.

How did my English writing skills deteriorate, you ask? Well, since November 2013 I spent most of my time watching Korean dramas and listening to Korean music (KPOP). That's how. Then I started learning Korean on my own. Today, I'm able to read and write hangeul (Korean alphabets). I can also speak and understand Korean a little. If I watch Running Man or other Korean variety shows without English sub, I'll be able to understand 40-50% of what's being said, which is good enough for someone who teaches herself Korean. I really want to master the language, but I can't find a language class that teaches Korean around my are, and it frustrates me a lot. *sad face*

Anyway, I think it's okay to not write anything on regular basis, as long as I don't completely forget this blog's existence. I'm gonna try to make myself a less lazier. Bye! See ya soon, hopefully. *winks*

Growing Apart.

I'm pretty sure I am not depressed. Maybe just a little sad, but definitely not depressed... I have a friend. A close one. Maybe the closest. Well, at least we used to be. This may be all in my head, but I think we're growing apart. We're not as close anymore. We rarely talk (or in this modern world; via whatsapp). I realized one thing; this happened since I started getting into KPOP. Our friendship/relationship isn't how it used to be. We used to talk almost everyday and about almost everything there was to talk about, especially music. But ever since I became a KPOP fan, I changed. My music preferences changed. I don't listen to the songs I used to listen to. And this took a toll on our friendship(?). We don't talk about music anymore. Because my friend hates KPOP and I don't force my friend to like it as I respect one's opinions and preferences. We ran out of topics, maybe that's why we don't talk as much. But this doesn't mean I completely forget about my friend. I think about my friend every day. Sometimes, I wanted to start a conversation, but I just don't how to. It's like we've become strangers. I don't want this to happen, but I don't know what to do or how to make things be like what it used to be. And I know my friend is keeping secrets (or rather, feelings) from me. I don't know how to explain this.. I mean, my friend could've talked about whatever my friend's going through with me. But my friend chose not too, and it's okay because I understand. Or at least, I'm trying to be understanding. I'm trying to not feel like shit for "ruining"(?) our friendship. It was going so well, and who would've thought that one wrong choice could do such damage to a more-than-a-decade friendship. Honestly, I sometimes regret the choice I made (in this case; becoming a KPOP fan). But there's nothing I can do about it. I can't give up on KPOP now. It's been 3 years, it's too late to back off. I wonder what can I do to make things alright again.. Maybe it's my fault. I should've made an effort, but I didn't. It's not like I don't want to, it's just that I don't know how to. I'm an introvert, an anti social. I'm an awkward person. I hate making the first step, I don't know how to initiate a conversation, and sometimes, I don't know how to carry on a conversation. And I tend to push people away. I don't keep in touch with most of my friends. My self-esteem is almost non-existent. And I sometimes hate myself. Okay, this is suddenly getting depressing.. lol.

Time to stop writing. Bye. Till next time.

Trying Times.

It's May. We're almost halfway through 2016. All my friends are probably aware by now that I am a fangirl. A KPOP fangirl, and I don't hide the fact that I am indeed a KPOP fangirl. I tweet to my heart's content whenever I fangirl. Some of them might think I'm annoying as f***, but to be honest I don't give a s***. Kkkk. So as a fangirl, this month (May) proves to be such trying times for me & my poor fangirl soul. May really tests both my patience and my loyalty. 

First, it involves BTS. Bangtan Sonyeondan (I'd write it in korean if i had a korean keyboard). They released a special album on May 2. It was one hell of a album. Meaning: the album is awesome. 3 new songs & several versions of already-released songs. I love them all. Okay so, they made a comeback. And frankly speaking, they do have a lot of haters (and haters "love" them because they're awesome & on their way to achieve more). As things were looking so good, suddenly they got dragged into a plagiarism accusations (with no concrete proofs, as usual..) Suddenly, RapMon's "years old" "controversy" found its way back to the spotlight. And then they were this "fake Gucci" thingy which I think was sooooo not important cuz those clothes are ugly as f*** & who the f cares if it's fake anyway.. But oh well you know haters.. They will always find a way to drag BTS down. Always. Even if the thing they came up with was beyond ridiculous. And 2 days ago, some of other kpop fandoms "unite" to trend "plagiarismBTS" (in korean) hashtag on BTS's concert day. HOW F***ING RUDE! That really ticked me off, but I didn't say anything because I didn't wanna be dumb like those haters. The boys probably saw the hashtag & they posted a lot on twitter with encouraging words for the fans. I really felt like crying. They care about the fans so much it makes me want to protect them from all the hate.. ;( #BTSProtectionSquad

Second, it's about Wonwoo. I have only been a fan of Seventeen recently, but my bias/favourite member has always been Wonwoo. Yesterday, his "ugly past" came out. About him being an anti to a certain girl group (I don't wanna mention the name cuz I'm not a fan of that group). They too, have just made a comeback with 1st full album (I love the album & all the songs in it). And it's like a tradition for groups who made a comeback got their pasts digged out, pretty or ugly. And this happened to my lovely Wonwoo. Frankly speaking, I was shocked. Because I never thought he'd do such thing & had that kind of personality back then (he was around 12 at that time). The Wonwoo I know now is calm & collected & funny & awkward at times, and I fell for him because of that. This thing kind of affects me in some ways I can't explain. I can't help but feeling hurt. But I don't hate him or anything. I can't. Since I was a kid, I was taught not to judge people for their past & that the past is past & it should stay there forever. He already posted a handwritten apology letter this morning & he sounds so sincere & really sorry for his past actions. Yes, people may choose not to forgive him. But just know that some people really changed & who they are now is not who they were then. He, too didn't ask for people's forgiveness. Seventeen did a live show on V App today & Wonwoo was not being himself. He was awfully quiet & barely spoke. His smile didn't reach his eyes. It really broke my heart seeing him like that. I hope haters will back off & stop hurting him. ;( #WonwooProtectionSquad

Rappers.

2016 marks my 3rd year in the kpop world. I'm currently stanning 7 kpop groups in total.

1. EXO

2. DAY6

3. GOT7

4. BTS

5. CNBLUE
6. Super Junior

7. BIGBANG

I've noticed one thing. My 1st bias was always the rapper of the group. Mostly. My first EXO bias was Kris, before he decided to leave the group. Then my heart shifted towards Sehun, who is also the rapper (and dancer & visual) of EXO. 

Then came DAY6. My 1st (and i think my ultimate) bias was/is Wonpil. But gradually, i started to have a crush on Brian. The reason is simple tho; he plays bass, he sings  and he raps. Which is soooo cool. He also speaks english. Maaaajor turn on. ;)

Next is GOT7. My 1st unofficial bias was Jackson, the rapper of the group. The reason why he was my unofficial bias was i started liking Jackson before i started stanning GOT7. Then i got to know more about them and i fell for JB, the leader. He's super charming. *heart eyes*

Then came BTS. It took me awhile to have a bias from this group. I couldn't decide because they all have their own charms. But one day, i decided to stan Suga (Yoongi). And yes, he's a rapper. Not only a rapper, he's also a composer and has already composed many songs for the group. Which is soooooo awesome. I'm a sucker for idols who composes songs. ;) i fell for him since i found out that we have quite a lot of similarities (refer to my previous post).

Super Junior. My 1st bias is Donghae. He's sometimes a rapper, and sometimes a vocalist. He caught my eyes (and heart) when i first saw him. He can be cute and he can be handsome. *heart eyes*

As for CNBLUE, they don't have a rapper. My 1st & ultimate bias is Jonghyun, the guitarist & 2nd vocalist. BIGBANG, my 1st & ultimate bias is Seungri, the maknae. And he's not a rapper. So these two groups are the exceptions.

And..

Let me tell you a secret.

I lowkey stan Wonwoo.

Who's Wonwoo?

He's Wonwoo.

He's a rapper.

Yeah, another rapper.

From the group Seventeen.

No, i don't stan Seventeen.

But i like Wonwoo.

Teehee.

Min Suga and Na.

Reasons why Min Suga & I belong to each other:

1. He likes to eat quietly & with his mouth close. Me too.

2. He doesn't like to speak with his mouth full. Me too.

3. He hates it when people bother him when he's sleeping. Me too.

4. He likes being lazy. Me too.

5. He likes quiet places. Me too.

And...

I dreamed about him for 3 days in a row & 4 times in total (as of now). 

K bye now.