Growing Apart.

I'm pretty sure I am not depressed. Maybe just a little sad, but definitely not depressed... I have a friend. A close one. Maybe the closest. Well, at least we used to be. This may be all in my head, but I think we're growing apart. We're not as close anymore. We rarely talk (or in this modern world; via whatsapp). I realized one thing; this happened since I started getting into KPOP. Our friendship/relationship isn't how it used to be. We used to talk almost everyday and about almost everything there was to talk about, especially music. But ever since I became a KPOP fan, I changed. My music preferences changed. I don't listen to the songs I used to listen to. And this took a toll on our friendship(?). We don't talk about music anymore. Because my friend hates KPOP and I don't force my friend to like it as I respect one's opinions and preferences. We ran out of topics, maybe that's why we don't talk as much. But this doesn't mean I completely forget about my friend. I think about my friend every day. Sometimes, I wanted to start a conversation, but I just don't how to. It's like we've become strangers. I don't want this to happen, but I don't know what to do or how to make things be like what it used to be. And I know my friend is keeping secrets (or rather, feelings) from me. I don't know how to explain this.. I mean, my friend could've talked about whatever my friend's going through with me. But my friend chose not too, and it's okay because I understand. Or at least, I'm trying to be understanding. I'm trying to not feel like shit for "ruining"(?) our friendship. It was going so well, and who would've thought that one wrong choice could do such damage to a more-than-a-decade friendship. Honestly, I sometimes regret the choice I made (in this case; becoming a KPOP fan). But there's nothing I can do about it. I can't give up on KPOP now. It's been 3 years, it's too late to back off. I wonder what can I do to make things alright again.. Maybe it's my fault. I should've made an effort, but I didn't. It's not like I don't want to, it's just that I don't know how to. I'm an introvert, an anti social. I'm an awkward person. I hate making the first step, I don't know how to initiate a conversation, and sometimes, I don't know how to carry on a conversation. And I tend to push people away. I don't keep in touch with most of my friends. My self-esteem is almost non-existent. And I sometimes hate myself. Okay, this is suddenly getting depressing.. lol.

Time to stop writing. Bye. Till next time.